Packing for TITS

Well you guessed it another hash camping weekend...What's going on now...The Infamous TITS (Tubing In The Shenandoah) put on by Tidewater H3...I attended last year, so I am really looking forward to as much of a good time OR BETTER!

So I being lazy and haven't started packing yet...So I decided to make a list...

1. Tent
2. Air Mattress
3. Sheets
4. Bug Spray
5. Sunscreen
6. Bathing Suit
7. TUBE or some sort of flotation device
8. Tiki Torches
9. Clothes, lots of shorts, tank tops, hash gear
10. Mug
11. Liquor (watermelon vodka)
12. Red Bull (NSSB is bringing Yager)
13. Sodas & Water
14. Lantern
15. Toilet Paper
16. Shampoo, Soap, Tooth Paste, Tooth Brush Etc...
17. Dice, Cards, Games?
18. Camera with EXTRA batteries
19. Waterproof camera for the float

I am sure I am forgetting something...Most of my camping gear is already packed up in a rubbermaid bin in my car...My tent and supplies LIVE in my car during the summer, you never know when you're going to need it...The hardest part is going to be figuring out what clothes to take...I always over pack...I'm scared I might need something...I know I will pack FOUR pair of shoes, and I'll only wear ONE my flip flops...I'll pack a half a dozen shorts, but I'll end up wearing my kilt all weekend, OR a sarong...As for tops I'm sure I'll end up wearing my bathing suit the majority of the time...Really as long as I have a clean pair of underwear I'm good!

On-On to a weekend of drunken debauchery, PRAY FOR NO RAIN!

How to make love like a REDNECK!

Ok so upon reading recommendations from Boozie and The Muse I purchased Jenna Jameson's book "How to make love like a Porn Star"...I have finished reading Book I and this is what I've learned so far: 1. Date a Tattoo Artist 2. Get Raped by Tattoo Artist's Uncle 3. Be a Stripper 4. Cheat on your Tattoo Artist Boyfriend, with a chick (or 2) and 5. Be a Nude Model...I am not completely sure I want to Make Love Like a Porn Star, but the book is a great read (so far).

On a totally different note...Whoosh and I cooked dinner for the G-spot crew last night...We totally did it REDNECK STYLE!! We had two "flavors" of Hamburger Helper (they all taste the same) and Tater Tots...Appetizers were cut up hotdogs on tooth picks and potato chips...And for dessert Moon Pies! We also served them a bottle of the best twist top wine, Boones Farm STRAWBERRY HILL (March was a very good month)! And this redneck feast wouldn't have been complete without a 12 pack of PBR!

I think everyone enjoyed our dinner. Buck & BB will be eating Hamburger Helper for DAYS! I guess FIVE boxes was to much for the 9 of us to complete!

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

I received this via email and thought I would share...Please feel free to "swipe" for your own blog use!

Body: what have you done.... BE TRUTHFUL!!!

smoked a cigarette - yes
smoked a cigar - yes
drank alcohol- yes (what kind of question is this?)
kissed a member of the same sex - yes
got so drunk you threw up - yes (doesn't happen often)
crashed a friend's car - no
been in love - yes
been dumped - yes
dumped someone - yes
been fired - yes
been in a fist fight? - no (But I want to!)
snuck out of you parent's house? - yes
had feelings for someone whodidn'tt have them back? - yes
been arrested - no
made out with a stranger - yes
gone on a blind date? - no
lied to a friend? - yes
had a crush on a teacher? - yes
skipped school? - yes
slept with a co-worker? - no
seen someone die? - yes
been on a plane? - no
thrown up in a bar? - yes - on someone's back even
taken painkillers?- yes
love or miss someone right now? - yes
laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? - yes
made a snow angel? - yes
played dress up? - yes
cheated while playing a game? - yes
been lonely? - yes
fallen asleep at work/school? - yes
used a fake id? - yes
felt an earthquake? - no
touched a snake? - yes (do trouser snakes count?)
run a red light? - yes (first and only ticket I've ever gotten I was 16)
been suspended from school? - no
had detention? - yes (for tardies & chewing gum)
been in a car accident? - yes (but it wasn't my fault)
hated the way you look? - yes (every day!)
witnessed a crime? - yes (I'm a hasher see crimes all the time!)
pole danced? - yes
questioned your heart? - yes
been to the opposite side of the country? - no
felt like dying - yes (espically after long drinking camping hashing weekends)
cried yourself to sleep? - yes
played cops and robbers? - no
sung karaoke? - yes (but only when shitfaced)
done something you told yourself you wouldn't? - yes
laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? - yes
caught a snowflake on your tongue? - yes
kissed in the rain? - yes
sang in the shower? - yes
had a dream that you married someone? - yes
Glued your hand to something? - yes
gotten your tongue stuck to a flag pole?- no
worn the opposite sex's clothes? - yes
been a cheerleader? - no sat on a roof top? - yes
didn't take a shower for a week? - yes
are you scared to watch scary movies alone? - yes
played chicken? - no
been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? - yes
been told you're hot by a complete stranger? - yes
broken a bone? - no
been easily amused? - yes
laughed so hard you cried? - yes
cried so hard you laughed? - yes
cheated on a test? - yes (probably wouldn't have passed Geography w/out this)
gone skinny dipping in a pool? - yes
been kicked out of your house? - no
blacked out from drinking? - yes (happens more than I'd like to admit)
played a prank on someone? - yes
gone to a late night movie? - yes
gotten shit faced drunk? - Those of you that know me, KNOW the answer to this one...HELLS YEAH

Bachelorette Party!

Well we all made it home safe and sound. The weekend was a blast! I especially hope our bachelorette, PT enjoyed herself. We started off on Friday, drinking EXCESSIVE amounts of beer, jolly-rancher drinks, pizza and playing Sexual trivia. The ST game was from the 80's so it was kind of funny reading the questions. Saturday some of us hit the beach, and some of us hit the outlet malls.

Dinner at DICKS was a blast. They gave us all paper condom hats with funny things written on them: Cinco Carpenter's Dream, Flat as a board and easy to lay. Charly I couldn't get laid if I crawled up a chicken's ass. PT If dick's had wings, my mouth would be an airport. CC Dogs won't even hump me. Single Wide I go down easier than power windows. And mine The health dept. Closed my legs. Food was good, booze was good!

We headed back to the condo for our Bachelorette to open her gifts. She got lots of goodies. A Kama Sutra book, a lover's bathtub game, and some sexy lingerie! From there we called a cab, and ended up with an awesome driver, DAVE! He took us to The Master's a strip club with a female side and a male side. We started on the female side, with our bachelorette game list and started playing. Some of the items on the list: say "hey sexy" to 10 strangers (EASY). Get a piggy back ride (not as easy but DONE). Get a free drink from a bartender (CC got this one with a cup of sugar water with lemons). Write your phone number on the wall of a bathroom stall, DONE. Get a man to put money down your bra, DONE. After we'd seen all the boobies we could stand, we headed over to the male side for a little TUBE STEAK. On the way there was a limo with the trunk open, SW & CC grabbed a couple of beers out of their cooler. We stowed away in the bathroom and drank these, so we missed the male strippers.

On-On to Revolutions a hot dance club. We danced and drank for hours! Charly somehow worked her way up into the DJ booth, and called DIDDY out over the loud speaker.

All in all a great weekend! I hope we gave PT a weekend to remember.

"She looks rough man!"

So I was informed yesterday that I won the Day After Contest on Kane's Blog...I must say it ranks high on the list of "proud" moments (can you sense the sarcasm?)...First a little backstory on the photo....This was taken the morning after Halloween 1996, Single Wide & I were living in a one bedroom apartment in Greenville NC...This was after our night out on the streets of G'vegas (if you haven't been Greenville blocks off their downtown area and has a huge block party for Halloween)...We ended up walking 8 blocks home after the festivities, because we couldn't get a cab large enough to hold our party...So anyway in honor of the MTV movie awards I decided I would write an acceptance speech, ENJOY!

First off I want to thank god, for he created beer and wanted us to be happy, without that none of these morning after pictures would have been possible...I'd like to thank the bouncers at the Elbow (in Greenville) for they let underage females into the bar and marked their hands as over-21...Also the Elbow for having penny draft, if it hadn't been for them I would have never drank a beer to start with! Single Wide for crafting my costume, we were the sexiest genies (except for that big guy with the fake boobies). Maybelline for making the most hideous pink eyeshadow, for without that my eyes wouldn't have looked like someone beat the shi* out of me in the morning...My best friend Eric for passing out on the floor with me, at least I wasn't alone!...And I can't forget the little people; Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, Jim Beam, Bud Light, J. Ello Shot...I was honored to be in the running with some of the best drunks I know, Boozie, Sailor, Cert, NSSB and Cuervo...Thanks to Hydro who thought I looked the worst of the bunch (not sure if it's a complement but HEY I'll take it!)

Thanks Kane for the contest, can't wait to see my prize!!

On-On to Revolution hang-overs

ADD

I swear I think I must have ADD...Why is it when I could have a nice quiet evening at home, I must find something to do...Why when I could have a nice quiet weekend at home, I must find something to do! I get bored so easily...

Take this past weekend for example it was supposed to be my weekend off, well my weekend off turned into the never ending limo ride...Although I did not seek out this limo ride, it came to me, but when offered I couldn't turn it down (would you?)...The weekend of Charlotte 600, I wanted to have a nice quiet relaxed weekend at home, could i do it? NO! I packed my car and drove 3 hours for a party...And now tonight I should be home getting packed, resting and relaxing for my weekend drunk fest (Revolution), I am looking somewhere to go...Actually found somewhere to go, getting ready to pack and hit the road...I know I will regret my decision in the morning, but right now I'm up for it! So now i'm heading out of town (AGAIN) to have dinner and a poker tourney with my friends up in Greensboro...

This is probably the reason I don't have a boyfriend...Or why I can't find a boyfriend...IF I did have a significant other, I probably wouldn't get bored as easily...If I had someone to make plans with, to hang out with, to sit at home and veg with, I wouldn't have to find something to do all the time!

How the F did this happen?

Ok so a typical Thursday night...A hasher friend from Richmond came down for a wedding this weekend...I met him at WISSHHH last weekend, gave him my number and said call me when you're in town we'll go for drinks, dinner whatever...Thursday afternoon I get a call, him and his friend are going to Hooters for dinner...So I talk Cinco into going with me to meet these two out for dinner and a pitcher or two...SOMEHOW Dinner at hooters turned into a Limo ride downtown, then to Thee Dollhouse...

Trying to piece together the evening, things went pretty much like this...Hooters: Food & Beer...Then the discussion led to where are we going next? Downtown...Who is driving? No one spoke up...Hey wanna call Wayne the Limo guy? Next thing ya know the four of us are in a 14 passenger Lincoln Navigator...Shit like this doesn't happen every day so Cinco and I went along for the ride...Several beers and a couple of bottles of Champagne later we are at Thee Dollhouse...I got my first lap dance (I can't remember her name I'm sure it was Barbie or something, and she was from Russia) my first dual lap-dance (that came with a complimentary T-shirt) the best SHOT I've ever had (I had to remove it from the cleavage of the waitress)...

Friday morning was a bit foggy, I was woken up by a "bitch" licking my face...NO Not Cinco but a dog...We stumbled to my car and I drove her home, the whole time we kept asking each other "How the Fu*k did that happen?"...We never did quite figure it out...

Friday evening I met EarShot for dinner & drinks and told him all about my Limo-experience...He quickly told me that he was not going to take me on a limo-ride but he would give me a private lap dance in his hotel room...I denied the offer but, convinced him to climb 11 flights of stairs to his hotel room to work off the chicken wings he had eaten earlier...Unfortunately he convinced me to do the 11 flight hike with him...It was fine we made it to the 11th floor of the hotel in one piece, then took the elevator up to the 19th floor for $1.00 drafts...I was home by 9:00 went to sleep, only to be woken up at 2:30 am by a phone call telling me the limo was on it's way to pick me up! (WHAT THE FU*K) WELL an hour and a half later (yes 4:00am) the limo rolls up at Eagle Tavern Dr. I hop in and start downing more Champagne (what part of that was a good idea? NONE)...So now I sit trying not to fall back asleep, so I can make it to the hash on time...No sign of a limo ride tonight, so hopefully I will be home at a "decent" hour catching up on the sleep I've lost in the last 2 days...

On-Out