C&C Sandwich Factory

New York - New York

2006-11-09T11:37:00.000-05:00

I finally made it to the Big Apple this past weekend. What a fun city! My friend Michelle and I met up for a weekend of theater, shopping, and drinks. Friday night we were in the meatpacking district. We ate at a restaurant called Lotus. The amazing part of dinner was around 11:30pm when the place turned into a nightclub. The wait staff literally took the legs off of the couch we were sitting on and placed small cocktails tables in place of our dinner table. The music was turned up and disco lights came on. And viola – we were smack in the middle of a meat market.

We woke up early on Saturday to stand in line to buy discounted day-of theater tickets. We were able to snag 2 tickets to Martin Shorts Fame Becomes Me. The show was awesome! He poked fun at other celebrities- but mostly himself. It was fabulous! (http://www.martinshortthemusical.com/)

Saturday evening we went to a wine bar for appetizers and red wine… at a place near the Rockefeller Center. We were able to watch the first ice skaters of the year enjoying the rink. We decided to have a low key evening -- then ducked into Carmines for more wine and some dessert. Canola’s. I never knew I liked them until we had Carmines. Yum Yum. Michelle then proceeds to order a couple of shots. Somehow we end up with the leftover food from our neighbors table. (They gave it to us on their way out- as Michelle was raving about how great the sauce at Carmines is.) More shots come. On our way back to the hotel high on shots & wine and full of food- Michelle points out an Irish bar we should check out.

Inside we belly up to the bar for a couple of beers and meet a group of drinking buddies. We become a part of their group and tag along to two more locations to drink yet even more. At 4:30am we hop a cab back to our hotel. So much for a low key evening!

Sunday morning hung over and hurting- we drag ourselves out of bed and prepare for our last few hours in NYC. We go to Central Park to watch the marathon runners- and as luck would have it we had just missed Lance Armstrong run by as we arrived. Dang.

All in all a great weekend with a very good friend- can’t beat that!

5k Season Has Begun

2006-04-24T12:56:00.000-05:00

It’s my first spring here in Chicago. And as luck would have it- there is a 5k almost every weekend throughout the spring and summer months. It is my goal to do 2 5k’s each month. I completed my 1st race this past Saturday- It was the Wrigley Early Start. It began near the Lincoln Park Zoo and my time was 35:47. I don’t think its too shabby considering my best time to date for a 5k is 31:30.

Next week it’s the Ravenswood Run. All I want to do is beat 35:47!

Look Whose Back

2006-04-20T13:43:00.000-05:00

Did you miss me?

I know at this point there is no one reading this rag of a blog- but I am back at it. Spring has sprung in Chi-town & I am on track to enjoying it! We are moving to a new joint on May 1. Its only about 6 blocks from here- so we will still be near all the Wrigglyville action (for all you folks that wanna come visit- please do!).

More to come!

Double Woody

2005-11-09T16:10:00.000-05:00

I went trick-or-treating with T’s nephews (twins). They were supposed to dress up as Woody & Buzz from A Toy Story, but when they got to the costume store both boys wanted to be Woody. It was pretty hilarious.

T & I flew home the weekend before Halloween to see friends, attend an ECU Homecoming game (Go Pirates!), and attend my favorite Halloween party. T had the best costume- here is the very SEXY Dread Pirate Roberts & The Joker (Huneycutt).
Check out Lt Dangle in the background with the Jager! Good times!

I Used To Work In Chicago!

2005-11-08T18:33:00.000-05:00

I am feeling like myself again- it’s pretty amazing. I relocated to Chicago in the beginning of August. For some reason I thought I could just up root my life and not feel any repercussions. Like I was going to show up here and have tons of friends and activities to be involved in. (I know- I know… nuts!)

But that’s how your brain works when you are in love- on auto pilot.

Anywho- the job I took was terrible. I spent my days, nights, and weekends working. Waking up at 7am, taking T to the train to see him off, and then working till 8 or 9 at night. It was taking a huge emotional toll. No time to make new friends, do comedy, or get involved in activities.

So I quit.

I feel amazing! And broke. How did that happen?

I found another job. It doesn’t start for 2 weeks though. What in the heck am I going to do for the next 2 weeks??

Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think.

Diddy @ 360

2005-11-01T14:31:00.000-05:00

http://360.yahoo.com/caseymae1

Check out my new blog @ Yahoo 360 I will try to keep it updated!!

Trash invades Purgatory

2005-10-11T22:02:00.000-05:00

So Sextion8 decided on Saturday it was a "good idea" to run a half marathon...I decided it was a good idea to go to work...After work I come home to a house full of hashers, watching comedy DVD's...We order pizza and continue to watch more comedy (That's some funny stuff I don't care who you are, GET R DONE)

After the show Sex8 and I think hummmmm why not drive up to Charlotte for their 3rd annual Goth Hash...So we contacted Shitty & Scabby and got directions to rendeveux with them at their new crib...We arrive and start getting gothed up (yes Sex8 knew it wasn't an ass clown hash)...Load up in the car and we're on our way an hour late...No worries the Charlotte clan waited on us...We were also pleased when we showed up and we weren't the last ones there, some one else was a half hour later than we were!!

The hash started in Elmwood cemetery, where apparently they have blood sucking ants...Somehow these ants managed to work their way up my boot, through my fishnets, and back down my boot before they started biting me...Fuckers...We were then privy to a "got dance lesson" by none other than Goth DamnIt...He showed us such moves as "kick the baby" "Woe is me" "move the cobwebs" among others...The hares then led us to the first beer stop, I went immediately to the restroom removed my boots and killed the THOUSANDS of ants that were nesting inside...OUCH

Second bar seemed to be a meeting place for Polo & Abercrombie models...They LOVED US! Serioulsy ;)

Our final stop was at Purgatory...I was a little iffy about this place we had checked the website and thought there is no way we'll fit in here...Well it was the first place all night that we felt like we belonged! Still it was a shock to my system...There were many freaky costumes, a blind guy, I even ran into a fellow G-spotter Just Eli...There was even a girl on stage dancing with a "Trash" belt buckle on...Sex8 Tried to trade her with his trash shirt...She took the shirt but didn't trade...Instead she snuck to the back then returned wearing the trash shirt cut up and HOOKERED up! The picture I took of it was to dark, but it was awesome believe me!!

Many beers & many Redbull/Vodka's later the show took an ugly turn...The last thing I remember was one of the dancers licking a section of (what looked like) intestine...I was pretty wasted at this point and rounded up the crowd so we could head home...We got in the car I made Scabby stop in the middle of the road so I could open the back door and puke...Short detour for breakfast at Waffle House then back to the crib we went...

Scabby mentioned the show being cool until the RAPE SCENE! (I don't remember that)...

Sunday morning we headed back to Greensboro so I could go to work and Sex8 could catch his ride back to Fayetteville for Trash...I looked like someone had beaten the shit out of me...The dark make up from the night before had smeared all over my eyes, great look for work...I was covered in glitter, and had fake blood on my arm...Needless to say I got some curious looks from co-workers on Sunday...I just said "Ummm, just a good night out on the town"

Wastin Time w/ Boozie

2005-10-06T13:06:00.000-05:00

Stolen from Boozie who stole from The Muse who stole it from Ms. Meh:

1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (name of first pet + street you live on): Baby Regents Park

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandmother's/father's first name + favorite snack): Louise Chip or Mildred Chip

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (first word you see on your left + favorite restaurant): Lucky Moe's

4. YOUR SOCIALITE NAME: (silliest childhood nickname + first place where you partied): Caseymae Lake Artesia

5. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial + first three letters of your last name): C-May

6. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal + name of high school): Dog Union

7. YOUR BAR-FLY NAME: (last snack food you ate + your favorite drink): Chip Jaeger Bomb

8. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name + street where you first lived): Bryan Wildcat

9. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (favorite candy + favorite musicians last name): Reese Shinoda

10. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME: (name of [opposite sex] last friend that you commented + cell phone company you use): My name would've been the same Casey Bryan had I been born a boy...But for the sake of the quiz: Matt Cingular

11. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name+ last 3 letters of mothers middle name /+/ first 3 letters of your pets name + first 3 letters of the town you live): Mayjea Samgre

And I agree with Boozie that was kind of gay...And today is the first day I "attempted" to catch up on blogs while at my new job...Oh well while the bosses are away the Diddy will play!

DC Red Dress - 2005

2005-10-05T10:41:00.000-05:00

After last year's Red Dress I didn't think anything would out-do it...WELL I WAS WRONG...

Friday morning started out with Hedgie and I waking up (hungover) and heading to Greensboro...Then the waiting began...Thing 1 was the first to arrive, then calls from Curry saying he was up the street stopped for lunch...The original plan was to leave around 2:00...That plan was crushed when Sextion called at 2:00 he was just leaving Fayetteville...I spent the next two hours giving him directions, trying to find Titanic's ride a rego, and packing, and showering, and getting ready to go...Finally we get on the road around 4:30 en route to pick up NSSB....

Things took a dirty turn in Charlottesville...We pick up Bob and my car starts shaking (blew a spark plug I knew what was wrong it happened before)...We evenly distributed the weight in the car, and shook our way onto DC...I wasn't concerned about us getting THERE but getting home might've been an issue...

We finally arrive in DC around 10:00 and promptly start drinking...Single Wide was way ahead of me, I think she went to bed three times and woke up to drink more, finally going down for good around midnight...3-man, pass the pigs, drunk driver, asshole and other games helped us get caught up...We were then surprised when Titanic showed up (he was supposed to be there on Sat)...But they called Gufer into a circle and made him a birthday cake (and by MADE i do not mean they baked him one, they MADE him a birthday cake)...They poured milk, flour and eggs on top of him, he was a good sport, and anyway that's what he gets for trying to keep his birthday a secret!!

Saturday morning started very slow for most of us (late night ugh)...I headed to the auto shop to see if I could get my car worked on, but was greeted by a number of MORONS...So I just went to the parts store and bought a spark plug...Then back to the house to get everyone in their dresses for the day...With everyone ready we loaded up for our trip to the metro station...I was lucky enough to get to ride in the "Shaggin Wagon" It was awesome, when I grow up I want one of those for myself!!

We hit the Metro Stop and are greeted by some of the DC hashers, Boozie, SMAC, WEEEEEEE! and others...On-On to the metro, I think we scared some of the locals, the looks on their faces were priceless!!

We get to the start, register, and let the drinking begin...However we had been drinking before thanks to Bob and his "Box-O-Wine Boobs" (gotta love Sunset Blush)....Pretty soon the place was swarming with people in red, it was awesome!! The weather was great the company was even better...I got to see some folks I had not seen in a shile, Menage-A-Todd, Hershey, Udder Ho, and many others...Next up was the beer stop, we got a nice scenic tour of Georgetown then hit the bar, small bar slow staff, but still a great time...Then back on trail, to the on-in...

On-In was perfect location...Very large, dance-floor, food, and booze who could ask for more??? Sextion and I found the perfect way to request a song...Just start singing at the top of your lungs "Oh Baby You...You got what I need" started out just him & I next thing you know 30 people around us are singing as well...THEN the next song the DJ put on, you got it...EarShot and I tried to do some Whoosh impressions...Now it's time to head back to the house...Big thanks to Dinky & Wyked for putting us up and putting up WITH US!!

Sunday AM Cockachino begins work on my car, I owe him more than you can ever imagine...The car managed to get back to NC with out a single sputter!!

That is about all I can remember right now...If I think of anything else I will update it...
Thanks to the Crystal Coast crew for the fun & memories...You guys are awesome and I am grateful to have you all as friends!!

**And I was right Single Wide wore the same dress (3years and running)

It's about F'n time!

2005-09-30T12:02:00.000-05:00

He's got friends in Trashy places...Where the yucca drowns and the 3-man chases the Drama away...He's 21 Today!!

So there I was on the way to the funeral home picking up Hedge in Raleigh to cart his ass to Fayetteville. We had plans to meet Sextion8 and other Trashers at B&B Lanes for some Thirsty Thursday bowling.

We arrive and start on the first of many $5.00 pitchers...We were joined by Smoov, Slave Driver, Love Slave and Just Sasha...Let the .29c games begin!!! We had a blast playing (and I kicked their asses). We all agreed that this was the most fun we've had in a LOOOOOONG time. Bowling alley closed at 11:30 so we headed across the street to Coaches to catch Paddy & Bill, and to celebrate Hedgie's birthday at the stroke of Midnight!!

Walk in I go straight to the bar and order two Jaeger Bombs, one for me one for the birthday boy...So at 12:01 I gave Hedgie his frist shot LEGALLY!!! Sextion was the last to buy him a beer as underage...He sat at the bar and drank free the rest of the night...Just Crystal bought him some shots and gave him a $150 on her bar tab, we finished that off with a round of shots, Jaeger Bombs, Royal Flushes & Kamikazi's...

Left the bar hopped in the back of Slave Driver's truck and headed to their house...The drive was almost cut short when we were being pulled over by "Fayetteville's Finest"...Love Slave told him she was just trying to get us home safe & sound (none of us could've drove anywhere)...We were released, no harm done...Get to the house and start drinking Box-O-Wine (great idea) and the drunk dialing began...Sorry to those we woke up on a "school night" and sorry to those we were to drunk to remember your number!!

I'm heading to DC in a few hours, Hedgie is hanging in Greensboro to party with the G-Spot & Trash crew for more birthday celebrating!!

Good to know he's finally legal, we love him

for hedgie: I know it's up to me...If you steal my sunshine

C&C Sandwich Factory....The Reunion

2005-09-26T13:51:00.000-05:00

I can't wait!!! This Friday the C&C Sandwich Factory will be together once again. First time since July! We are meeting in DC to hash the DC Red Dress (Picture is from last years DCRD)

It will be great seeing Single Wide. A lot has changed since we started this blog. I moved to G-vegas #3 (Greensboro) and she has moved to Chi-town. I told her I was coming to visit but not until spring. I hate the cold and the snow. So this may be my last chance to see her until warmer weather.

I am sure lots of debauchery will persue when we reunite. I am also excited about the reuniting of Team Pink (Riot & Myself). And hopefully the addition of a new Team Drunk member (Titanic). Still waiting to hear if he is able to go after his DUI incident (just trying to be a Team Drunk over-achiever I guess).

I will post an updated DCRD picture (even though SW will be wearing the same dress). As well as a re-cap of the weekend.

The Tribe Has Spoken

2005-09-15T18:34:00.000-05:00

I'm a big NERD I know it...There used to be a time when TV ran my life...I literally could've used a TV guide as my day planner...Now because of my new job and my new social life (read hashing) I have little time to keep up with any shows...

BUT Starting tonight I will return to my nerd-dom for one hour per week...Thursday nights between 8:00 & 9:00 I will be unreachable from the outside world...I will turn my phone off (or ignore the rings) as well as ignore any knocks at my door or IM bings...

Survivor starts tonight so unless it's REALLY REALLY Important (like you're somewhere close with FREE Jaeger Bombs) don't try to reach me ;)

I'll update later with my feel on all the new contestants (as if anyone really cares)

Spark Bombs

2005-08-28T18:57:00.000-05:00

So we were @ Jean's Place last night (Shady bar in Havelock) they don't sell Red Bull and we wanted Jager Bombs...No Red Bull no jager bombs...So ES and I decided to re-visit our bad idea we created at the WISSHHH Campout.

Jager + Sparks = Spark Bomb

Spark Bomb = Bad Idea

Spark Bombs + Truck Ride = Ear Shot & Titanic Throwing UP

1 Can Sparks = 3 Spark Bombs

Just because 1 can can yield 3 spark bombs doesn't mean you should drink all 3 within 10 minutes = Still nursing hangover.

OH YEAH and we got to drunk to Drunk Dial = Sorry Heidi, Betel and everyone else on the Drunk Dial list.

Tri-Fu*#ta 2005

2005-08-15T21:16:00.000-05:00

G-spot's 5th annual Tri-Fuckta weekend was a blast...Unfortunately I don't remember much of it...Partially due to going to bed early Friday night, working all afternoon on Saturday, and drinking myself to oblivion on Saturday night/Sunday morning...

One thing to note: I went to bed Sunday at 8:00 am, woke up at 2:00 pm when I unzipped my tent EVERYONE was gone...

Here are a few pictures from the weekend: ENJOY

*************************************************

Heidi took her top off (That never happens)

Silence & Titanic are one helluva' Beer Pong team

Shitty wore a Speedo & Fairy Wings and jumped out of a box for Scabby's Birthday

The Trash Chicks killed a bottle of Tequila Rose

NighTrain got Drunk (Thanks to Tour De' Chug) with Gufer

Lost & Fucked made the Spank Bank once again!

Self Portrait with NSSB & EarShot

NighTrain got DRUNKER with Titanic

Don't Cha Wish Your Girlfriend was hot like us?
Don't Cha Wish Your Girlfriend was TRASH like us?

Oh yeah and be jealous I touched Whoosh's boob

Another self-portrait, with Doc & Heidi

Schwinn in a Harriette Sandwich

and he says "I don't fuck in the Hash... much... any more!"

EarShot danced liked Whoosh and got the Shocker

This is my FAVORITE picture of the weekend

Titanic, Shitty & EarShot acting CRAZY (or is it an act?)

Part Deux...

2005-08-05T10:56:00.000-05:00

Today the rugrats are leaving...And in some ways I am going to miss them! They have entertained me as much as I have entertained them..But it will be nice to have a little peace and quiet for a few days before I start my new job...

Yesterday was quite eventful...We started out by meeting Buck and heading over to the skate park...Christinia & Josh were loving it...We left them there with clear instructions (don't leave the building, and we better not come back to find you (Christinia) making out with any boys)...Then Buck & I took Taylor downtown to the Children's Museum...I think Buck & I had as much fun as she did...We got to play bank, doctor, in an airplane cockpit, race car, police car, fire truck AND MUCH MORE! We left there picked up Nina & Josh and headed to Celebration Station...

We were joined there by Nexsmell, Silence, Bulbous & Whoosh...This place is AWESOME!! Again I think us grownups had more fun than the kids...We got to play Basketball (I beat Buck, he was pissed), Skeeball, hit in the batting cages, and MOST FUN OF ALL ride the bumper boats...Of course this could've been made more fun with some alcohol...

Now it was time to head back to Buck & BB's for MCs going away party...We had pizza and cake and lots of presents ALL ORANGE of course...Whoosh and I were working on the "Babysitters of the year award" so we though it only right to drink Rum & Pepsi and SPARKS...And I don't know whose "good idea" this was, but they busted out the Twister Game...Josh, Nina, Goofy Style & I played the final round...I did pretty good and made it to 3rd out, Goofy won...I think I may have broken my spleen though!

Whoosh and I make a dynamic duo, we even have people lined up that want US to babysit THEM! (You know who you are)

Promise next post will be TRI-F writeup, got some funny stories & pictures to share.

Adventures In Babysitting...

2005-08-03T10:21:00.000-05:00

So this week Silence & I are keeping IUD & UPS's kids...We have Queen Bi-atch (Christina), Mac Puppy (Josh) and Chocolate Starfish (Taylor)...They arrived Monday night and good thing I'm not working this week they can keep me entertained...

Tuesday started with breakfast (pop tarts) and a trip to the pool (or OOL, or L)...We came back home around 12:00 then I got a call from Whoosh...She wanted to come hang by the pool with us...She informed me that she had tons of leftovers from Tri-F so I told her to bring us some for lunch...She shows up with two bags, one with BBQ and lunch meat the other with ZIMA (Dont' worry just one for each of us, we weren't going to get wasted with the kids)...

We had lunch, packed our Zima's and headed back to the pool...The kids had a blast, whoosh and I worked on our tans (and Zima)....Whoosh ended up sticking around with us the rest of the afternoon, we watched movies, Silence came home whipped up a meat loaf, then we headed to the bark park with Shilo...

Things are going great so far (noone is injured or crying or mad)...Now we're off to the petting zoo...Adventures in Babysitting part deux coming soon...

Oh yeah and I'll do a write up soon about Tri-F just haven't gotten around to it...Plus I've go to exercise my memory to remember what happened!!

Wish Me Luck!!

Somewhere there are A LOT of dead kittens

2005-07-28T10:18:00.000-05:00

OK So I said I was not going to go to Virginia, I changed my mind SO WHAT...

I really wasn't going to go...I didn't need to spend the money, I needed to stay home and get things ready for this weekend...But when I called in to see if I had to work on Tuesday and they said NO, I thought "Well what the F am I going to do now"...SO at 1:00 I called Ear Shot to see if he had left yet, and he hadn't so I said I'll see you in 2 hours...It actually took me three hours to get there, and I thought we were going to be late for the hash...We actually got there about 20 minutes early...

I told ES not to tell anyone that I had changed my mind I wanted my arrival to be a surprise...Doc was the first one to arrive...Then we saw Prep & Goulash (the hares) I told Prep that I loved the picture on the RevolutionH3 website (It's me and Stormin Norman from the Revolution campout a few weeks ago)...Heidi shows up yelling at me, thinking I pulled a fast one over on all of them...I got to see a lot of people, MicroBone, Piggy & Gofer, Ass Spelunker to name a few...OF Course I am going to be seeing most of these people this weekend at Tri, but it was still nice to see them again...

Hares away...Trail was awesome it included a boat ride and a "scenic" walk of downtown Hampton...Some people said that trail was screwed up (mainly because Heidi told people to go the wrong way!)...I enjoyed the trail, the boat ride, the beer stops (well the ones we made it to, THANKS HEIDI!)...

We left the Food Lion and headed to the Oats (bar) for Down Downs...There we were met by Schwinn who was surprised to see me as well...I had told him Monday night that I wasn't going to show up, so again it was a surprise...I was called into circle for being a visitor (and after watching ES I knew what was expected of me) I left my beer sitting at the table...People yelled at me WHERE IS YOUR VESSEL! I responded with look I'm gonna need both hands, chill out...So they ask me my name, where I'm from then they began chanting "We call on the visitor to Sing Us A Song, or Show us your Tits"...AND to everyone's surprise I show my tits (I told you I needed two hands)...As I'm walking out of circle someone informed me that "I just killed A LOT of kittens"....To humiliate me even further burnt had ES and I do a "Two dog's fucking" down-down...Then the virgin said that I "made him come" so I had to do a ritual with him (THANKS BURNT)...The ritual involves a hotdog being eaten (Lady & The Tramp Style)...I just bit my end off and spit it in the corner, drank my beer and returned to my salad & boiled shrimp...

On-On to Betel's for an UpPP (Unplanned Pool Party)...Doc, Heidi, ES, Betel, Schwinn and myself hit the pool (or L because there was no Poo in it)...We were joined by Just Shane Betel's friend...We tried to convince F'No to join us, but she had kid duties...Heidi said leave a post-it on the kids' head that way if he/she (someone let me know) wakes up they won't worry...She decided that wasn't a good idea...UpPP was pretty fun, there was lots of booze (no slurpee's) chips, nudity? ...And we managed to resurrect some dead kittens when Betel bent over wearing my kilt...Pool party ended close to 3 am when Papa Betel said get outta the pool and go to bed...

Pool Party re-started 9:30 am again we called F"no this time we wanted her to bring us breakfast...Breakfast burritos to be exact! Again she said NO...So we ordered pizza's instead...We hung out at the pool talked about the night, and this coming weekend...2pm ES and I decide it's time to pack up and head home...

I had a great time glad I went, the driving sucked...And I promise these "bad idea jeans" are going to be tucked away for August...

Bad Idea Jeans

2005-07-23T22:22:00.000-05:00

I've been wearing these A LOT lately! I need to send them to Good-will before they kill me...

So Friday was my first day at work...I think I am going to enjoy the job (at least until I get bored with it)...Only bad thing is I will probably spend my entire paycheck in the store, they have so much cute stuff! ANYWAY I get off work at 5:00, and "decide" to drive to Emerald Isle (4 hours away)...I didn't decide on my own...Everyone I talked to said GO (Silence, Nex) or COME (Ear Shot, Titanic)...So I throw on my "bad idea jeans" pack a bag and hit the road...My sister met me in Jacksonville, so with her in tow we hit the beach..

I called ES on my way he said they were sitting on the back deck of Kelsey's drinking Jager-Bombs, I said YOU BETTER SAVE ME ONE...Well guess what when I arrived there were three waiting on me!! And that was just the first of several rounds...So it's nearing 2am we decide to hit Food Lion to buy more beer, the clerk wouldn't sell ES, TT, or Myself beer because we were "DRUNK"...So my sister had to buy the beer for us (my how the times have changed, she is 3 years younger than me, so when I was 21 she was 18 and I had to buy booze for her all the time)...We then proceed to rent a hotel room...ALLEGEDLY I put the room on my card, I think (HOPE) It was $110 I don't have a receipt, so I need to check my balance and make sure nothing else was charged...Six drunk people in a hotel room is pretty fun, especially if you have a case of beer, a sharpie and a can of pringles...We tried to order pizza but there was nothing open at 2am :( ...OH YEAH and EarShot Slept with my sister (and by slept with I mean he got the ZZZZ-game/Married sex / NOTHING)...

I think the highlight of the night was standing knee deep in the ocean, while it's raining, watching the thunderstorm (lightning is cool, even though I'm terrified of it!)...I love the beach, when I win the lottery I am going to buy a my own personal beach, and turn it into a hash "compound"

Saturday we get up and have pizza for breakfast, then head to Sandboney & Snatch's to wait for the hash to start...We hashed, circled, I rounded up the gang of Chippendale dancers and headed to ElCerro for food & Margaritas...It was getting pretty late so I decided to head home...THIS is when I realized that this trip really was a "bad idea" driving 4 hours home, hung-over & tired are not a good thing...Really I am glad I went, I had a blast, and I made it home safe & sound...Now if only I didn't have to work tomorrow so I could hit the Sir Walters hash with the rest of the gang...

So anyone else have these "Bad Idea Jeans" or maybe it's "Bad Idea GENES"

Missing: One Partner In Crime

2005-07-22T11:48:00.000-05:00

So I went to Southend Brewery last night and met some cool folks.

These guys are engineers from Milwaukee.

This guy let me taste his cognac.

It’s pretty much disgusting… but I did enjoy rubbing his bald head (I have a bald headed black man fetish thing).

I even got to hang out with Cinco for a bit. But something was missing…

I think it was my Diddy!

I couldn't compete!

2005-07-21T15:34:00.000-05:00

Diddy & Single Wide: Bow Chick-a Bow Bow

Well I tried to take a picture of my cleavage but they all came out looking like ass crack...So instead I figured I'd share this "lesbian-esque" picture with you all...I know the male viewers (all 2 Ear Shot & BG) will like it...

This was taken at the pub crawl the Triangle H3 put on this past weekend in honor of PT & Bourbon's wedding...I was going to do a write up but Ear Shot did a pretty good job so read his ...

A few things to note from the night are: we tried to drink the bar out of Yager...I got lost in the crowd at the concert...I was in line for beer when Blister in the Sun was playing (SUCKS)...Got a phone call at 4am from my "stalker"...Woke up the next morning IN PAIN why did I drink so much? Then decided it was a "good idea" to drive 2 hours to Jacksonville for a hash...Oh well it was a blast, and I must admit it was the most fun I've EVER had at a wedding/reception/after party!!

On-On to PT & Bourbon I "heart" you guys!!

Fun Bags

2005-07-21T14:11:00.000-05:00

My stunt boobs would be much more tan!

By Popular Demand

2005-07-21T10:22:00.000-05:00

It’s another day of blah blah blah. That’s all I hear coming out of my bosses mouth.

Boss: SW, I need you to blah blah blah. Can you take care of blah blah blah today? How’s that blah blah blah coming along? Did you call blah blah blah back?

SW: Is someone playing George Michael’s Freedom?

Boss: Blah Blah Blah

I see this light at the end of the tunnel. It is bright and pretty and I am running toward it… but I keep tripping over all these old files I need to work on before I can get the heck out of here. And I am distracted by almost everything. It only takes a shiny object, my cell phone, hell even my fingers are distracting. I really need to do my nails.

How do my boobs look today?

Checked-Out

2005-07-20T15:37:00.000-05:00

I can’t concentrate on work today. People are coming into my office and talking- but I can’t seem to hear what they are saying over the music playing in my head. I am sure it has something to do with the verbal job offer I got a couple of days ago. Though, I am still waiting for it in writing (they are doing a background/credit check. Luckily my records for bad check writing, cocaine use, and murder are sealed… I mean, I was only 14 and it was my baby’s daddy’s fault.)

Anyway, I have a couple of weeks left here… and they are going to be oh so productive. I am looking for new and creative ways to burn my last few weeks (besides taking pictures of my boobs)… any ideas?

14 Hours and $80 worth of gas later....

2005-07-20T08:14:00.000-05:00

Well I am officially moved out of G-Vegas #2 (Garner) and into G-Vegas #3 (Greensboro)...My sister helped me out yesterday moving the last of my stuff...Items that required a truck to move...We borrowed my dad's truck, AN OLD BEATER I wasn't sure if it would make the treck from Clinton to Greensboro and back, but ole' "Bessie" did us proud and brought us home safe and sound...

The truck has no AC so picking a day that was 95 degrees probably wasn't the best idea (at least it wasn't raining)...We left at 8:30am and I actually made the comment to my sister to roll the window up because I was a bit chilly! We returned at 10:30pm last night, a whopping 14 hour day...I thought we were never going to get home...And it did end up costing us $80 worth of gas for the trip (of course we returned my dad's truck with more gas than we left with, but oh well)...

My sister pretty much complained the entire time...It's to hot, It's to far, It's to heavy...So I had to remind her of all the things I had done for her, and NOT WANTED TO...I helped her move, MORE stuff and HEAVIER than my mattress (that's all I have that requires a truck to move at this time), I helped her paint (I HATE PAINTING), and countless other things that I have done for her...She also "requested" that I buy her a GOOD lunch, I was so tempted to take her to the corner gas station and buy her hot dogs, but I took her to Applebee's instead...

I say this everytime, but NEXT time I move, I am hiring someone to come get my stuff and move it for me!

Not so "Low Key"

2005-07-15T15:57:00.000-05:00

NighTrain, Mini-Me (his brother) and Haley (his brother's fiance) headed up to Greensboro last night for a Non-Hash "low key" weekend...Well let me tell you it started with a bang...

Nexsmell, Silence & Myself had a nice quiet evening planned for the six of us...We went to dinner at Asugatu (spelling???) a Japanese Steak House...Had a great meal, lots of booze, lots of fun...Left there went across the street to the country bar Arizona Petes? Coyote Petes? Something like that...They have a mechanical bull in the place it rocks! (Reminded me of the Texas Two Step in Greenville)...WELLLLLL the night took a bad turn when we noticed the sign 25cent draft!!! Are you freaking kidding me, it cost $1.50 for a round!! I was in heaven...When we first got there, the place was only about 15 people deep, all of them line dancing...Every song had it's own line dance, it was ridiculous...I kept telling them that I knew only ONE line dance (the Boot Scootin' Boogie) and promised if they played the song I would do the dance...They finally did play it but the AssHats dancing were NOT doing the boot scootin' boogie, so I lashed out (this of course was after SEVERAL ROUNDS)...The kegs went dry so we had to order the other special $1.50 Yuenglings (which was a deal in itself)...We finally ended up leaving around 1:15 we were shocked when we walked out the door, there was a LINE around the building of people still trying to get into this place!! And it was packed, NT reminded me that I asked them not to leave me several times...I was scared I didn't want to be accosted by a redneck in a cowboy hat!...Unfortunately none of us rode the Bull, but there is always next time...

Dirty Laundry

2005-07-15T10:43:00.000-05:00

It sucks when people do things that hurt us. But that’s life… and no one is perfect. No one can always make the right choice or always be an ideal individual. Sometimes people, especially younger people, do things they shouldn’t and make really bad life choices. They will even, at times make very bad moral choices.

When someone hurts me I, of course, want to lash back at him or her. Maybe try and make them feel a little of the hurt I have felt at their hands. It’s only fair, right?

Part of being a mature whole person is being able to understand, filter through, and even have compassion for someone who has dealt us out a little pain. We become good friends, good people, and good partners over time- and from experience.

I had a very good friend deal me a little pain this past December. It was rough. I leaned on a couple of very close friends during this time. What I did not do was call everyone in my mobile phone or post in-depth details of our relationship and how things went sour to a website. That would be immature and tasteless.

When I am dealing with my own personal pain at the hands of another, no matter how appalling I may find their behavior, I try to have a little class. I haven’t always been a perfect friend, I have cheated on a past boyfriend, I have told lies, and I have even stolen things from others. Do these past indiscretions define who I am today? Sure- I have learned to be a great friend, that cheating isn’t worth it, that lying isn’t necessary, and that stealing makes you feel sick.

I am not at all a religious person but we could all take a little bit from this excerpt:

"let he who is without sin, cast the first stone"

Weekend In Review

2005-07-12T22:17:00.000-05:00

Friday July 8: "Welcome to our L notice there is no POO in it please keep it that way"
Friday started with EarShot meeting me in Raleigh to help load some of my sh*t and move it to Greensboro. We arrived unloaded and did our cardio (about 800 times up & down the stairs). We finished then hung out until Silence came home...We waited and waited and waited and finally Chef Dunkin showed up...While waiting for dinner to cook, Nex, Bulbous & Silence shared some of their kickboxing moves, GREAT SHOW!...Dunkin is a master grill chef, we had chicken and steak and grilled corn on the cob YUMMY YUMMY...After dinner we decided to hit the pool over at Nex's house, we grabbed the beers and off we went...We tried to re-enact the hand stand competition, but smoov was to short and his feet wouldn't stick out of the water...So we played a little pool-side 3-man instead...All of this chlorine filled fun was cut short when Buck decided to "drop some kids off"...Everyone outta the pool! By this time the beer cooler was empty, so we did a beer run and back to Nex's for some fun...The night ended with a game of spin the "mini airplane bottle"...And Buck's cousin writing Whoosh a love letter...
Question of the night: "Do you have a girlfriend?"

Saturday July 9: "Drinking with the fishes"
The crew met at Lowe's parking lot on Wendover...Hares away, but wait NO FLOUR...What's that a Penske truck with Whiner driving? Whiner forced us all into the back of the truck and away we went...It was 200 degrees in the back of that truck, we were sweating like Mexicans (OK that was just Uno Queero)...Whiner finally dropped us off and away we went...Trail had a NY / Italian theme, and was also a scavenger hunt...Uno Queero, MC and EarShot were kidnapped at the start and we had to find them on trail, we also had to find Money, Fire Hats, Footballs, Baseballs, and there was even a HOT DOG STOP! Sa-weet...Make sure you don't lay trail on an old lady's property who owns a 38, she said she would have no problems using us guys for "target practice"...Trail ended, we circled, LOTS of down-downs were had...Just Marc was named: Catcher in the Guy/Rye/Eye? one of those (really wish he got named Jared's Kids, but we were beat 13 to 15)...Whiner then Hi-jacked us and took us to MC's for a little Skinny Dipping (see above pic!)...On-After at Buck and BB's for some REAL NY Pizza...We were supposed to have Linguine & Clam Sauce but "allegedly" it was kidnapped...After dinner we decided to get all dolled up and hit The Clubhouse...Great time!! We even drank the bar out of specials: PBR - check, JELLO SHOTS - check, YAGER - check...There are many highlights from the evening: Whoosh being asked in the bathroom if she was on cocaine, Titanic getting kicked out of the bar for no apparent reason...So I grabbed him and walked him home, thanks to Nex my SAVIOR! For picking us up half way back...Last call - back to Buck & BB's for drinking games and Gymnastic Olympics...I believe Silence won in the Split competition, and Dunkin in Round Offs...The night ended with Moremen giving PP a Cialis (Whorenado commented "Well at least he won't fall out of bed"...However when I left PP was spooning with Shitty (Pictures coming soon)...
FOR SURE THIS WAS THE BEST $8.00 event I've ever been to
Question of the night: "Have you ever pissed in a camp chair?"

Sunday July 10: "The Spooge is back in town"
After breakfast at the Buck & BB Bed & Breakfast, Nex, Silence and I hopped in the car and headed to Fayetteville for some Trash-like behavior...We were followed by "Grandma" Gufer, and Titanic T-bag (who graciously showed us a FLYING SQUIRREL)...We show up and are greeted by not ONE but TWO Uno-Queeros, it was a Mini-me of NighTrain, the girls were going wild!...There were also a ton of virgins, I was given one to be in charge of his "Drunk Trasher" and to teach him three things...I gave him some good items to learn, unfortunately during circle when they were asking what they learned, mine was over to the side puking his guts out...We end up at Fat Daddy's and it's time to start heading home...Titanic was hiding from Gufer he didn't want to leave...
Question of the day: "Did you see Diddy's juggling act?"

I got a J O B

2005-07-07T10:49:00.000-05:00

As most of you know I have been unemployed since January...Riding out my un-employment and enjoying the time off...WELL it's time to join the work force again...

This morning was my orientation...I had to sit through eight BORING videos and fill out lots of paperwork...All the paperwork was the same thing over and over again...Name, Birth Date, SS#, Address etc...All that is done I will be starting to "officially" work next week...

It's not the most glamorous job, nor the best paying...But I think I will enjoy it...I will be working at NY & Company a clothing store...It kind of sucks I will not be able to bring home a paycheck, I will be bringing home BAGS AND BAGS FULL OF NEW CLOTHES!

Some of you might not know but this job is in Greensboro so I am currently moving out of the C&C Crib and into a new place...Don't worry the C&C Factory will still be here, we just aren't living under the same roof...It is kind of like getting a divorce, except I don't hate her...

While we're on the topic I'll tell you about my WORST JOB I ever had...I was a waitress at a seafood restaurant...IT MAJORLY SUCKED...It was during my Sophomore & Junior years of High School...I had just gotten my drivers license and wanted to go out every chance I got...We normally hit the local teen hangout on Saturday nights...I had to work most Saturday's but would meet the gang afterwards...It really sucked I would show up reeking of fish, but my friends loved it when I'd bring a plate of Fried Shrimp for all to enjoy...The worst thing had to be me sticking my hand into the "rag bucket" to wipe tables off and pulling out an oyster, I almost barfed, it was like the biggest booger I've ever seen...Till this day I cannot eat fish, nor stand the smell of it...OH and we also had to wear these hideous aprons and "sailor caps" very POSH!...SO what was your worst job?

OH AND As soon as my memory recovers I will post about the fabu weekend I had at TITS!!

Packing for TITS

2005-06-29T18:53:00.000-05:00

Well you guessed it another hash camping weekend...What's going on now...The Infamous TITS (Tubing In The Shenandoah) put on by Tidewater H3...I attended last year, so I am really looking forward to as much of a good time OR BETTER!

So I being lazy and haven't started packing yet...So I decided to make a list...

Tent
Air Mattress
Sheets
Bug Spray
Sunscreen
Bathing Suit
TUBE or some sort of flotation device
Tiki Torches
Clothes, lots of shorts, tank tops, hash gear
Mug
Liquor (watermelon vodka)
Red Bull (NSSB is bringing Yager)
Sodas & Water
Lantern
Toilet Paper
Shampoo, Soap, Tooth Paste, Tooth Brush Etc...
Dice, Cards, Games?
Camera with EXTRA batteries
Waterproof camera for the float

I am sure I am forgetting something...Most of my camping gear is already packed up in a rubbermaid bin in my car...My tent and supplies LIVE in my car during the summer, you never know when you're going to need it...The hardest part is going to be figuring out what clothes to take...I always over pack...I'm scared I might need something...I know I will pack FOUR pair of shoes, and I'll only wear ONE my flip flops...I'll pack a half a dozen shorts, but I'll end up wearing my kilt all weekend, OR a sarong...As for tops I'm sure I'll end up wearing my bathing suit the majority of the time...Really as long as I have a clean pair of underwear I'm good!

On-On to a weekend of drunken debauchery, PRAY FOR NO RAIN!

How to make love like a REDNECK!

2005-06-23T11:42:00.000-05:00

Ok so upon reading recommendations from Boozie and The Muse I purchased Jenna Jameson's book "How to make love like a Porn Star"...I have finished reading Book I and this is what I've learned so far: 1. Date a Tattoo Artist 2. Get Raped by Tattoo Artist's Uncle 3. Be a Stripper 4. Cheat on your Tattoo Artist Boyfriend, with a chick (or 2) and 5. Be a Nude Model...I am not completely sure I want to Make Love Like a Porn Star, but the book is a great read (so far).

On a totally different note...Whoosh and I cooked dinner for the G-spot crew last night...We totally did it REDNECK STYLE!! We had two "flavors" of Hamburger Helper (they all taste the same) and Tater Tots...Appetizers were cut up hotdogs on tooth picks and potato chips...And for dessert Moon Pies! We also served them a bottle of the best twist top wine, Boones Farm STRAWBERRY HILL (March was a very good month)! And this redneck feast wouldn't have been complete without a 12 pack of PBR!

I think everyone enjoyed our dinner. Buck & BB will be eating Hamburger Helper for DAYS! I guess FIVE boxes was to much for the 9 of us to complete!

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

2005-06-21T10:55:00.000-05:00

I received this via email and thought I would share...Please feel free to "swipe" for your own blog use!

Body: what have you done.... BE TRUTHFUL!!!

smoked a cigarette - yes
smoked a cigar - yes
drank alcohol- yes (what kind of question is this?)
kissed a member of the same sex - yes
got so drunk you threw up - yes (doesn't happen often)
crashed a friend's car - no
been in love - yes
been dumped - yes
dumped someone - yes
been fired - yes
been in a fist fight? - no (But I want to!)
snuck out of you parent's house? - yes
had feelings for someone whodidn'tt have them back? - yes
been arrested - no
made out with a stranger - yes
gone on a blind date? - no
lied to a friend? - yes
had a crush on a teacher? - yes
skipped school? - yes
slept with a co-worker? - no
seen someone die? - yes
been on a plane? - no
thrown up in a bar? - yes - on someone's back even
taken painkillers?- yes
love or miss someone right now? - yes
laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? - yes
made a snow angel? - yes
played dress up? - yes
cheated while playing a game? - yes
been lonely? - yes
fallen asleep at work/school? - yes
used a fake id? - yes
felt an earthquake? - no
touched a snake? - yes (do trouser snakes count?)
run a red light? - yes (first and only ticket I've ever gotten I was 16)
been suspended from school? - no
had detention? - yes (for tardies & chewing gum)
been in a car accident? - yes (but it wasn't my fault)
hated the way you look? - yes (every day!)
witnessed a crime? - yes (I'm a hasher see crimes all the time!)
pole danced? - yes
questioned your heart? - yes
been to the opposite side of the country? - no
felt like dying - yes (espically after long drinking camping hashing weekends)
cried yourself to sleep? - yes
played cops and robbers? - no
sung karaoke? - yes (but only when shitfaced)
done something you told yourself you wouldn't? - yes
laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? - yes
caught a snowflake on your tongue? - yes
kissed in the rain? - yes
sang in the shower? - yes
had a dream that you married someone? - yes
Glued your hand to something? - yes
gotten your tongue stuck to a flag pole?- no
worn the opposite sex's clothes? - yes
been a cheerleader? - no sat on a roof top? - yes
didn't take a shower for a week? - yes
are you scared to watch scary movies alone? - yes
played chicken? - no
been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? - yes
been told you're hot by a complete stranger? - yes
broken a bone? - no
been easily amused? - yes
laughed so hard you cried? - yes
cried so hard you laughed? - yes
cheated on a test? - yes (probably wouldn't have passed Geography w/out this)
gone skinny dipping in a pool? - yes
been kicked out of your house? - no
blacked out from drinking? - yes (happens more than I'd like to admit)
played a prank on someone? - yes
gone to a late night movie? - yes
gotten shit faced drunk? - Those of you that know me, KNOW the answer to this one...HELLS YEAH

Bachelorette Party!

2005-06-20T16:50:00.000-05:00

Well we all made it home safe and sound. The weekend was a blast! I especially hope our bachelorette, PT enjoyed herself. We started off on Friday, drinking EXCESSIVE amounts of beer, jolly-rancher drinks, pizza and playing Sexual trivia. The ST game was from the 80's so it was kind of funny reading the questions. Saturday some of us hit the beach, and some of us hit the outlet malls.

Dinner at DICKS was a blast. They gave us all paper condom hats with funny things written on them: Cinco Carpenter's Dream, Flat as a board and easy to lay. Charly I couldn't get laid if I crawled up a chicken's ass. PT If dick's had wings, my mouth would be an airport. CC Dogs won't even hump me. Single Wide I go down easier than power windows. And mine The health dept. Closed my legs. Food was good, booze was good!

We headed back to the condo for our Bachelorette to open her gifts. She got lots of goodies. A Kama Sutra book, a lover's bathtub game, and some sexy lingerie! From there we called a cab, and ended up with an awesome driver, DAVE! He took us to The Master's a strip club with a female side and a male side. We started on the female side, with our bachelorette game list and started playing. Some of the items on the list: say "hey sexy" to 10 strangers (EASY). Get a piggy back ride (not as easy but DONE). Get a free drink from a bartender (CC got this one with a cup of sugar water with lemons). Write your phone number on the wall of a bathroom stall, DONE. Get a man to put money down your bra, DONE. After we'd seen all the boobies we could stand, we headed over to the male side for a little TUBE STEAK. On the way there was a limo with the trunk open, SW & CC grabbed a couple of beers out of their cooler. We stowed away in the bathroom and drank these, so we missed the male strippers.

On-On to Revolutions a hot dance club. We danced and drank for hours! Charly somehow worked her way up into the DJ booth, and called DIDDY out over the loud speaker.

All in all a great weekend! I hope we gave PT a weekend to remember.

Plastic Penis Everywhere!

2005-06-17T15:03:00.000-05:00

I am so glad it’s Friday, wooo hooo! I am headed to Myrtle Beach with the ladies for a bachelorette party weekend. PT is going to be ‘doing it’ next month. The roll call for the weekend: Diddy, PT, Cinco, Clit Commander, Diddy’s sister, and I. We have a convertible, a lesbian (duh, the clit commander!), and a cooler of Jello Shooters.

I can’t wait to see PT wearing her plastic penis adorned veil and a really cheesy ‘buy me drinks’ button. Too bad I couldn’t talk her into that midget stripper!
Watch out Broadway on the Beach- here we come!

"She looks rough man!"

2005-06-10T08:58:00.000-05:00

So I was informed yesterday that I won the Day After Contest on Kane's Blog...I must say it ranks high on the list of "proud" moments (can you sense the sarcasm?)...First a little backstory on the photo....This was taken the morning after Halloween 1996, Single Wide & I were living in a one bedroom apartment in Greenville NC...This was after our night out on the streets of G'vegas (if you haven't been Greenville blocks off their downtown area and has a huge block party for Halloween)...We ended up walking 8 blocks home after the festivities, because we couldn't get a cab large enough to hold our party...So anyway in honor of the MTV movie awards I decided I would write an acceptance speech, ENJOY!

First off I want to thank god, for he created beer and wanted us to be happy, without that none of these morning after pictures would have been possible...I'd like to thank the bouncers at the Elbow (in Greenville) for they let underage females into the bar and marked their hands as over-21...Also the Elbow for having penny draft, if it hadn't been for them I would have never drank a beer to start with! Single Wide for crafting my costume, we were the sexiest genies (except for that big guy with the fake boobies). Maybelline for making the most hideous pink eyeshadow, for without that my eyes wouldn't have looked like someone beat the shi* out of me in the morning...My best friend Eric for passing out on the floor with me, at least I wasn't alone!...And I can't forget the little people; Jack Daniels, Jose Cuervo, Jim Beam, Bud Light, J. Ello Shot...I was honored to be in the running with some of the best drunks I know, Boozie, Sailor, Cert, NSSB and Cuervo...Thanks to Hydro who thought I looked the worst of the bunch (not sure if it's a complement but HEY I'll take it!)

Thanks Kane for the contest, can't wait to see my prize!!

On-On to Revolution hang-overs

ADD

2005-06-08T14:31:00.000-05:00

I swear I think I must have ADD...Why is it when I could have a nice quiet evening at home, I must find something to do...Why when I could have a nice quiet weekend at home, I must find something to do! I get bored so easily...

Take this past weekend for example it was supposed to be my weekend off, well my weekend off turned into the never ending limo ride...Although I did not seek out this limo ride, it came to me, but when offered I couldn't turn it down (would you?)...The weekend of Charlotte 600, I wanted to have a nice quiet relaxed weekend at home, could i do it? NO! I packed my car and drove 3 hours for a party...And now tonight I should be home getting packed, resting and relaxing for my weekend drunk fest (Revolution), I am looking somewhere to go...Actually found somewhere to go, getting ready to pack and hit the road...I know I will regret my decision in the morning, but right now I'm up for it! So now i'm heading out of town (AGAIN) to have dinner and a poker tourney with my friends up in Greensboro...

This is probably the reason I don't have a boyfriend...Or why I can't find a boyfriend...IF I did have a significant other, I probably wouldn't get bored as easily...If I had someone to make plans with, to hang out with, to sit at home and veg with, I wouldn't have to find something to do all the time!

Skyrockets In Flight

2005-06-06T15:54:00.000-05:00

The song ‘Afternoon Delight’ is stuck in my head. I can’t get it out. It all started last week when my coworker Sally* and I were picking on another coworker, Beth*, who it seems, was lucky enough to have had an afternoon tryst with her beau. All day we sang these words back and forth to each other. Then Sally told me about how when she was in grade school- she came home and told her mother that she had had afternoon delight that day. The conversation went something like this:

Sally: I had afternoon delight today.

Sally’s Mom: Oh really. Hmm. Where did you have it?

Sally: At school.

Sally’s Mom: Is that right? Who did you have afternoon delight with?

Sally: My class. The teacher gave it to us.

Sally’s Mom: So your teacher gave afternoon delight to the whole class today?

Sally: Yes, it was really good too. I hope we have it again tomorrow.

Sally’s Mom: Sally, do you know what afternoon delight is?

Sally: Yes Mom, duh. It’s ice cream.

Either way, I could really go for some right about now.

(*Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent...)

How the F did this happen?

2005-06-04T12:08:00.000-05:00

Ok so a typical Thursday night...A hasher friend from Richmond came down for a wedding this weekend...I met him at WISSHHH last weekend, gave him my number and said call me when you're in town we'll go for drinks, dinner whatever...Thursday afternoon I get a call, him and his friend are going to Hooters for dinner...So I talk Cinco into going with me to meet these two out for dinner and a pitcher or two...SOMEHOW Dinner at hooters turned into a Limo ride downtown, then to Thee Dollhouse...

Trying to piece together the evening, things went pretty much like this...Hooters: Food & Beer...Then the discussion led to where are we going next? Downtown...Who is driving? No one spoke up...Hey wanna call Wayne the Limo guy? Next thing ya know the four of us are in a 14 passenger Lincoln Navigator...Shit like this doesn't happen every day so Cinco and I went along for the ride...Several beers and a couple of bottles of Champagne later we are at Thee Dollhouse...I got my first lap dance (I can't remember her name I'm sure it was Barbie or something, and she was from Russia) my first dual lap-dance (that came with a complimentary T-shirt) the best SHOT I've ever had (I had to remove it from the cleavage of the waitress)...

Friday morning was a bit foggy, I was woken up by a "bitch" licking my face...NO Not Cinco but a dog...We stumbled to my car and I drove her home, the whole time we kept asking each other "How the Fu*k did that happen?"...We never did quite figure it out...

Friday evening I met EarShot for dinner & drinks and told him all about my Limo-experience...He quickly told me that he was not going to take me on a limo-ride but he would give me a private lap dance in his hotel room...I denied the offer but, convinced him to climb 11 flights of stairs to his hotel room to work off the chicken wings he had eaten earlier...Unfortunately he convinced me to do the 11 flight hike with him...It was fine we made it to the 11th floor of the hotel in one piece, then took the elevator up to the 19th floor for $1.00 drafts...I was home by 9:00 went to sleep, only to be woken up at 2:30 am by a phone call telling me the limo was on it's way to pick me up! (WHAT THE FU*K) WELL an hour and a half later (yes 4:00am) the limo rolls up at Eagle Tavern Dr. I hop in and start downing more Champagne (what part of that was a good idea? NONE)...So now I sit trying not to fall back asleep, so I can make it to the hash on time...No sign of a limo ride tonight, so hopefully I will be home at a "decent" hour catching up on the sleep I've lost in the last 2 days...

On-Out

Cool Shirt

2005-06-03T14:58:00.000-05:00

Say this 3 times fast:

4 Weeks In

2005-05-26T11:45:00.000-05:00

I went for my Weight Watchers weigh in today (oink oink). I started out at 164.4, and today I am at 160.0. So I am down 4.4lbs in a month. I was hoping for more of a loss, but I haven’t been as active I should’ve been over the last few weeks.

So today I am pledging, for all the world to see (ok, for you 5 faithful C&C blog readers) that I will work out in some way shape or form at least 4 days a week. That being said, who has idea’s for fun ways to burn calories? Oh, and I already have sex on my list – so I am looking for OTHER idea’s! Ha.

I am a glutton for punishment...

2005-05-23T21:50:00.000-05:00

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I Said I wasn't going anywhere this past weekend. But I came home on Friday afternoon to an empty house, Single Wide was going out of town to New Bern (see her story in previous post), I was home for ONE HOUR and was bored, I get antsy when I am bored. I knew I didn't have anything lined up for the weekend. So I packed my bags and headed to Charlotte for the Charlotte H3 600th Campout Weekend....I know I'm a glutton for punishment I was hating life Sunday on my drive back...

BUT If I hadn't gone I would've missed some awesome things...Like telling L&F & Surely (above) that they made my SPANK BANK (they are pretty sexy in those wrestling unitards right?)...I would've missed sitting with Tooth Fairy on Sunday and creating a new drinking game (man are we gonna put some people under the table this coming weekend)...I would've missed Shitty giving me his hat, and him & Scabby making me promise to dress up as his fantasy next weekend (If you're there you will see it)...I would've missed someone having sex in the woods (well I did miss that, but others didn't)...I would've missed the ice luge...I would have missed Buck puking on Just Brandon (who was named the next day Spewnami)...I would've missed NightTrain (Gay If You're Buying) getting Renamed One Bourbon, One Shot & One Queer (Uno Queero for short)...I would've missed "NOT VODKA" taking his first drink in SIX MONTHS!...I would've missed seeing my FAVORITE DRUNK People, and my NOT SO FAVORITE Naked people...

All in all it was an awesome weekend, I'm glad I went...And I was not hating it as much as I thought on Monday morning when I had to get up and go to work...OH YEAH In case yall hadn't heard I have a job (well temporarily anyway)...Should last the rest of this week at least, but whatever I AM GETTING PAID for something...Guess that's what changed my mind, I didn't feel so bad about driving 190 miles to Charlotte knowing I was getting a paycheck this week...

ON-ON to another weekend of debauchery at WISSHHH...Boozie see ya there, it's gonna be like a blogger's convention!

Spreading the Godspell

2005-05-23T15:19:00.000-05:00

I had a super weekend in New Bern. I saw ‘Godspell’ at the New Bern Civic Theatre. What a fantastic performance. My favorite character was Socrates/Barb. She is in this photo wearing the boa. She was funny, sassy, and wow what a voice! You should check this out if you can make it over to New Bern.

Here are a couple of other photo's I was able to sneak (I wasn't supposed to take any photos).

On Sunday I went to see Star Wars with PT and Bourbon. It was okay, but I guess I am not a good judge since I’m not a huge fan of the series.

Here a picture of PT, Diddy, and I from our Thursday night adventures.

PT & Me

2005-05-19T10:23:00.000-05:00

Happy Happy Thursday! What a great day. I get to hang out with one of my very favorite people tonight: PT. She is in town tasting wedding cakes. We are headed to Alive After Five; the fabulous Sleepy Booty is playing. Hopefully it won’t rain on us!

New Doooooo

2005-05-18T08:32:00.000-05:00

I went to a new stylist yesterday (my old stylist took off in a VW bus with her boyfriend a couple of months ago). Randy, the not so ambiguously gay stylist, was awesome.

Completely UNPACKED

2005-05-16T15:23:00.000-05:00

I feel a bit of relief today. For the first time in over a month I am COMPLETELY UNPACKED. I normally just unpack the dirty clothes, and the items I will need for the coming week. Because I am planning on going somewhere the following weekend there is no sense to unpack the items I don't need and then re-pack them on Friday. So for the first time in I don't know how long, I am sticking around for the weekend.

It feels really good to know that I have no plans for the upcoming weekend. There are lots of things that I could do. I could go to Charlotte for their 600th campout, I could go to Emerald Isle for the Beach Music Festival, I could go home and visit my family, meet up with Matt & Lana in Lumberton selling crawfish. But I am going to do none of those. SW will be out of town, so it'll be nice to be able to sit at home with no agenda.

I know that by Saturday afternoon I will be bored shitless. I will be wishing I was in Charlotte or Emerald Isle (but probably not wishing I was at home). I will actually be sitting around the house like I do every other day of the week. But it'll be different because it is the weekend. Maybe I'll get my lazy ass up and go for a run or a walk, maybe not. Maybe I'll go shopping, probably not because I am broke. Maybe I'll catch up on all the things I have let slide, emailing resumes, updating my scrapbook, laundry, cleaning. Or maybe I can convince someone to come and visit me in "veg land". That way I will have someone to do nothing with!

So what is everyone else up to this weekend?

Worth It

2005-05-16T09:11:00.000-05:00

I had a toenail removed Thursday. My large toe on my right foot is now bald. Summer is upon us and I won’t be able to wear sandals – this is depressing. My doctor said it would be 9 months or so before it fully grows back.

I was in the Grand Canyon a few weeks ago with my friend Dirty Pooty. We hiked 12.4 miles in one day! It nearly killed me and cost me that damn toenail. Was it worth it?

Well, I took this photo myself – and it can’t even begin to convey how incredible the scenery was. So yeah, bald toe and all, it was so worth it!

Hair Flashback

2005-05-12T14:06:00.000-05:00

I came across this picture today. This was my work id photo from 2000. Wow is all I can say.

Since It's Fun!

2005-05-10T15:44:00.000-05:00

For sake of posting, and since I can't come up with an original idea. This was stolen from VK who stole it from Darcy who stole it from CMac.

So you choose a favorite band or musical artist, and use their song titles to answer the questions. ENJOY!

NAME OF BAND/ARTIST: Pink

ARE YOU MALE OR FEMALE: Lonely Girl

DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Trouble

HOW DO SOME PEOPLE FEEL ABOUT YOU: Missundaztood

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF: Split Personality

DESCRIBE AN EX BOYFRIEND: You Make Me Sick

DESCRIBE CURRENT GUY: Just Like A Pill

DESCRIBE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE: Can’t Take Me Home

DESCRIBE HOW YOU LIVE: Get The Party Started

DESCRIBE HOW YOU LOVE: Waiting for Love

SHARE A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM: Hell Wit Ya

Dickdar

2005-05-06T11:45:00.000-05:00

I have heard of gaydar – you know the idea that you can tell if someone is gay when you meet him or her. But last night over dinner I was introduced to the term ‘dickdar.’ Apparently some women are able to sense if a man has a large… well… member. How did I miss out on this gift? How many times have you walked away from ‘an encounter’ disappointed, frustrated, and worse - unsatisfied? This whole dickdar thing could save us a lot of time and trouble!

So tell me ladies (or guys??), if you have this gift- this 6th sense, how does it work? What do I look for? What are the signs, the dead giveaways for pre-determining a delightful encounter?

Back in the Saddle

2005-05-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

So I went back to Weight Watchers last week. This is attempt #3. I lack self-control when it comes to food… or anything else for that matter. I haven’t craved Taco Bell in months – until I realized I shouldn’t be eating it. One 7-layer burrito has almost an entire days worth of calories in it. Now its like I can hear that little Chihuahua calling me to the drive-through... talking dirty fire sauce, & whispering chicken soft taco into my ear.

The most humiliating part of the whole process is the weekly weigh in. I always feel like livestock at market. The only way to make this worse would be for people to make mooing sounds to those who gained weight from the week before. The sad part is, for me this tactic would probably work.

So here I am putting it out there – shaming myself into making this finally work. My initial weigh in was 164.4 (insert moo/oink noises here).

This process would be a whole lot easier if Budweiser and Ensure could team up and make a nutritious beer meal replacement beverage.

Could I have a broken rib?

2005-05-03T10:38:00.000-05:00

You know it's been a great weekend when you wake up with unexplained markings on you. NO not the sharpie kind, but the hurting kind. I have bruises & scratches and a sore rib (BROKEN?). I think it's sore from all the coughing (I'm sick as a dog) and laughing I did over the weekend.

"Did I Do That?" Friday started with the Carolina Larrikins NERD Pub Crawl. What an awesome turnout. Baby Ruth did a great job orchestrating this event. People showed up from near & far dressed in their nerdiest attire. Some people I think just came from work, no need to change clothes at all. We ended up at Ruckus pizza with much dancing & debauchery. I think that is the first time I've been in a bar where the owner actually ASKED us to get up and dance on the bar. Normally we are threatened that if we don't get down we are going to get kicked out.

AAARRRRGGGG! Saturday we converged in Garner for the Sir Walters Pirate's Booty hash. Hared by Single Wide & me! We were a little shocked, our plan had worked to have more visitors than SW hashers. Although we were expecting a larger turnout, everyone who did show up had a great time! The Capt'n'coke stop was a hit (I think every time I hare I will do this from now on). We made new friends at the local watering hole, Judd's. After trail we came back to the criz'nib for beer pong and more debauchery. I don't remember whose idea it was to leave the house at 10 and head to the bar (probably not the BEST idea) but everyone was game and we headed out. I think we lost someone at the bar Ketchup Anus? Hopefully he made it home safe & sound.

Sunday morning we woke up (very hungover) and headed for lunch. I was all about coming back home and napping the rest of the day. That was shot when I got a call from Cornholio he was heading to the Trash in Fayetteville. "Reluctantly" I told him if he picked me up I would have no choice but to ride with him. So On-On to Fayetteville we headed. I left my tennis shoes at home on purpose, I had no intention of running trail. Riding the beer truck was fun, except for the sharp turns (maybe that's how my rib got damaged?). There were only 3 of us auto hashing to start with, but after each beer stop we gained more & more passengers. It was a great trail, people got lost, someone got named, someone got bibbed.

Thanks to all the visitors who made it this weekend, we wouldn't have had half the fun had it not been for you guys...Anal, Dock, Ear Shot, PT, Bourbon, Dunkin, Gay If You're Buying, Hedge...

Now I just need some R&R to prepare for this weekend's Cheap Mexican Hash. It is sure to be a great time! Just hope I don't come home with any broken bones!

I Touch Myself

2005-04-28T15:36:00.000-05:00

And so does she! I wish I had her in my front yard.

Jesus Can't Go Gambling

2005-04-26T14:18:00.000-05:00

I am back from my Vegas trip. Sin City was all I remembered it to be - except for one thing. I don't recall Jesus Freaks working the streets. They are worse than hookers. At least hookers are honest about wanting a little cock in the mouth, even for a price.

These guys didn't really appreicate my point of view.

G-Spot Red Dress

2005-04-20T15:36:00.000-05:00

This past weekend was the G-Spot's 5th Annual Beer Mile & Red Dress Run in Greensboro NC. Hashers from all around, Atlanta, Trash, Charlotte, Virginia joined the G-spotters for this fun filled event.

Trail started on the roof of Davie Street Parking Garage. Silence of the Clams & Bulbous Boobus were our hares. Hashers showed up in their "best" red dress & attire. All of us except Shitty who decided to arrive as the Blue Fairy. I have to say that Stump Slayer (above) showed us all up and arrived in the BEST Red Dress I've ever seen. Trail took us through downtown Greensboro, where we shocked many of the locals. I'm sure a lot of other funny shit happened, but lots of beer = bad memory. Several beer breaks later (and a new keg) we returned to the parking garage to circle up.

Some lost property was returned. Some new property was gained Myself & Bumper were awarded with our 10th G-spot Tags. And again Myself & Ass Spelunker were given our new Wooden Trash Mugs.

After trail we ended up going to Warehouse 29 the local Gay Club (see previous message)

Upon returning back at Silence's Crib (after last call). PP, Whorenado, Ass Spelunker & Myself decided to stay up and play beer pong. Which quickly turned into Rum & Coke Pong, then Zima Pong, then BahamaMama Pong, then some kind of Cider Pong, then we were out of Alcohol and it was close to 5am so we hit the sack. On-On TO NEXT YEAR!

And my Dad said the hash was GAY?

2005-04-20T15:34:00.000-05:00

I started hashing close to two years ago. I was living at home at the time, and always showed my Dad my hash photos (after I edited them of course). But he swears that all hashers are gay. I tried to explain that in the pictures I am showing him are from Red Dress Runs, Green Dress Runs, Halloween and other Costume-events. And the guys are dressing up just like the girls are dressing up, it doesn't make them gay. And anyway IF they are gay then even better they are leaving me the hell alone...

So anyway how am I supposed to convince him otherwise with pictures like this? All three of these guys are hashers (PW, Dunkin & Just NightTrain) and are straight (or so they say). After the G-spot Red Dress we decided to go to warehouse 29, a Gay Bar in Greensboro.

This night at W29 they had some exotic dancers tantalizing the crowd. PW decided he'd like to earn a couple of dollars so he jumped up on stage, later joined by Dunkin' & Night Train. After a few "tips" the three of these guys decided to have a bet, Who can get the most FREE drinks at the bar? I'm not sure who won but they were all doing their best, flirting, dancing, whatever...It was quite a show for the rest of us to watch. And by the way guys, I drank for free all night too (but I wasn't hitting on the gay guys, just mooching off the fellow hashers)

I went to my first Gay Bar with hashers (first one was in Savannah) and I must say I really enjoy Gay Clubs. First of all I could go in there with my boobs hanging out, my hair messed up, no make up, whatever NO ONE CARES, they're not looking at me anyways. And my second reason for loving the gay clubs, no lines for the ladies restroom. However there are other activities that go on in the restrooms hers. In Savannah Single Wide had to wait out side the bathroom while two guys were in there doing blow (not GETTING BLOWN, snorting blow). And at W29 I was in the stall while there were two people (I'm assuming 2 guys) getting it on next to me. So while I didn't have to wait in line, I did have to wonder what happened on the seat before I sat down.

As a side note Just Night Train was given a hash name on Sunday: I'm Gay If You're Buying

I'm All In

2005-04-19T11:41:00.000-05:00

So I travelled to Greensboro this past weekend for their annual Beer Mile & Red Dress Run. For a pre-lube they hosted a Texas holdem tournament. I was iffy about playing, I normally only play online. But I decided since it was only $5 to join, I could swing it. So imagine my surprise when I made it to the final table. I had been talking to Silence all week, trying to make a side bet that I would be the first person out. (First out was Dunkin' BTW)

I managed to be the last BITCH standing YAY ME! And actually came in 4th place, just behind SCAF (3rd), Wet Dreams (2nd) and "Just Beck" (anyone remember his real name?).

I think there was something fishy going on though, Beck was one of our Dealers. We ended up only needing 3 dealers so Beck ended up playing with us.

The $5 got everyone 16,000 in chips, I will say it was easier playing knowing I only had $5 in the game. This could be the reason I made it as far as I did, I played some cards and made some bets I might not have done had it been REAL money in the pot.

AND THE COPS CAME AND ALMOST RAIDED OUR GAME! Damn Fuzz.

If everyone else jumped off a bridge, Would You?

2005-04-15T10:11:00.000-05:00

PROBABLY!
Here is my QUIZ results

eXpressive: 4/10
Practical: 4/10
Physical: 3/10
Giver: 8/10 (god bless the givers)

You are a RSIG--Reserved Sentimental Intellectual Giver. This makes you a People-Pleaser.
I have always seen myself as a "people pleaser" I take into account other people's feelings before I do mine. Which isn't always a good thing. I am a middle child so I have always had to be the mediator between my older & younger sisters. It really sucks sometimes

Oh, RSIG! You are the most complicated and dynamic of any type. You are brilliant, tender, romantic and a joy to be with. You're the favorite of many of your friends. It's just not a party until you get there. You are bursting with feeling and sentiment and insight but you very rarely express it -- it's not how you want to present yourself to the world. Although you are always studying your non-romantic relationships -- you turn a blind eye to romantic relationships.
I would like to think some of this is true. Not sure about being Brilliant, Tender OR Romantic but whatever (it's a test and it's true right?) And I hope my friends pick ME as their favorite ;)

You're highly adaptable, and you conform to your circumstances (maybe you're a youngest child? NOPE MIDDLE). You would probably be content with almost anyone, and almost anyone would be blissfully happy to have you. But just because you're content doesn't mean you're happy. Don't settle!
Maybe this is why hashing came so easy to me. I love a party and can have a good time anywhere with anyone (well as long as there is alcohol involved).

You'd rather ignore your problems than rock the boat by creating conflict. Please understand that in the long run ignoring conflict will make you unhappy and your partner exhausted. Try picking a fight just to see how it goes. You'll find out that solving problems is so satisfying for you that it makes conflict worth it.
Again pretty true statement, I can get along with anyone as long as they can get along with me. I don't like conflict and will avoid it at all cost.

Your sex life could be fantastic if you could stop worrying about everything so much (did I wash my hands? How do I look? What do I need to do tomorrow?). You need a sweet, expressive lover who makes you feel at ease and never puts pressure on you. If you feel secure with your partner outside the bedroom, it will make all the difference.
What about thinking, does my butt look big? In this position can you see my "stomach roll"? Did I shave my legs? Did I shave my legs for this?

You cry at movies. A lot.
Not really, I might cry laughing my ass off, but sappy movies don't make me cry (nauseas maybe).

Of the 219437 people who have taken this quiz, 5.6 % are this type.

Viva Las Vegas!

2005-04-14T15:21:00.000-05:00

I am flying to Vegas tonight with Dirty Pooty Rah Rah Rah:

We are celebrating her birthday! She is finally legal!
(I can't wait to pimp her on the strip)

Diddy will be in charge of entertainment for the next week… and boy will she have some tales to tell. She is going to Greensboro this weekend to win a Texas Hold Em Tournament.

Good luck Diddy! Mama needs new shoes!

Wednesday The 13th

2005-04-13T13:28:00.000-05:00

It’s so rainy and cold outside today. I am staring out my office window – wishing I were anywhere but here. Wishing that maybe I was doing what I did this past weekend, which was:

Checking out the ‘pinky’ on a guy in a pink coat.

No matter what they tell you: Size Does Matter ... even to the white chicks.

Silk Stalkings

2005-04-11T15:09:00.000-05:00

Diddy & I had Spa night last Tuesday. It was a hoot (see previous message “I now know what a baked potato feels like.”) After our spud treatment – we both got pedicures. My pedicurist was Toi, a black lady in her 40s (though she looked much younger). I started asking her to tell us about all the foul feet she had encountered- and she really let loose.

Diddy and her pedicurist were in the same room- and we were all laughing and cutting up. Then the conversation turned to men. I know, big shocker, four women talking about men. Toi told us all about her previous boyfriend who stalked her. His name was Silk.

I said, “The man’s name was Silk, Toi. Was that not a clue?”

Silk would steak out her house and hide in the bushes. He would hang out in the park near her house and wait for her to come or go. He once kept her in a parked car for 2 hours, yelling and crying.

Then she revealed the reason she let him go. She held up her pinky and said, “And he was… you know.”

“A black man? Is that common?” I asked.

“No.” Toi replied as she painted my large toe.

Apparently poor Silk went to dive off a diving board and hit it, crotch first when he was only 12 or so years old. Well, that was his story.

Word to the wise guys, you can't be crazy AND have a small 'pinky.'

“It’s not you, it’s me”

2005-04-08T10:43:00.000-05:00

Using this line (or variations) should be illegal. I get it so often, I am beginning to wonder: Can this always be true? Can every relationship I become involved in really end before even started and not be because of me?

Buck up buttercup. Tell me it’s because I wear too much eye shadow, or my shirts are too low cut, or that I don’t know which fork to use at nice restaurants. Just tell me something I can walk away with and maybe work on.

I think people don’t like being honest anymore. It’s that whole PC thing spilling over into our personal relationships. It’s crap. I like to lay it on the line. I once told someone:

“I’m sorry, this isn’t working out because of your intense love of plaid. It’s giving me a headache.”

Ok, so maybe it was his collection of Star Trek action figures on the shelf above his bed. So much for honesty!

I now know what a baked potato feels like.

2005-04-06T13:50:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I had my first massage. Not at all what I was expecting. What I was expecting, a pumped up Swedish guy named Sven, what I got an androgynous gal named Michelle. I know the reason for a massage is to relax, I was having a hard time relaxing. I tried to close my eyes and pretend it was Colin Ferrel rubbing me down, but I just couldn't do it. I am also very ticklish, so I had to tense up every time Michelle came near my ticklish zones.

Recommended by a friend, Single Wide & I opted for the Ginger Massage. When I walked into the room Michelle asked me if I were claustrophobic, I am, but told her NO. The treatment started out with a 30 minute rub down, again soothing, but I had a hard time relaxing. She then left the room and returned with a cooler, instructed me to stand by the table. With industrial strength rubber gloves reached into the cooler and pulled out a steaming cloth, and proceeded to unfold it on the table. I hate being hot, I hate sweating, this was not looking FUN. Then I was asked to lay on the steaming cloth. Reluctantly I climbed on (It was to late to turn back now). Then she wrapped this steaming cloth around me, followed by a layer of what looked like Tin Foil then several blankets. I was wrapped up like a burrito, unable to move, sweating like a pig. Can you say UNCOMFORTABLE?

Again Michelle left the room. At this time my nose started itching. How the hell can I scratch my nose my arms were wrapped under tinfoil I couldn't move them more than two inches. So I began flailing my head trying to get my nose somewhere near the cloth that was around my neck. I sure hope they don't have video cameras in these rooms, I looked like I was having an epileptic seizure. Michelle finally returned, my itch had left. She then massaged my shoulders & scalp (me still trying to envision Colin Ferrel). After about 30 minutes of being wrapped up like a hot pocket, the layers began coming off. This was the most incredible feeling, after being hot & sweaty under the tin foil, the cool air was exhilarating.

I rejoined Single Wide in the lounge awaiting our pedicures. We both discussed the feeling of being wrapped up. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't what we wanted. We were told this treatment was detoxifying, I was expecting to smell the scent of Yuengling & Yager Bombs when I was being unwrapped. Next time I will opt for a regular massage instead.

Illinois went shopping last night

2005-04-05T09:15:00.000-05:00

Diddy & I went to Garners newest watering hole, Highbeams, to watch the UNC game last night. We were planning on having a couple of beers during the game, but the Jaeger Bomb monster reared its ugly head. Our waitress, Glitter Girl, was nice enough to take a couple of pictures for us.

Bomb #1

Bomb #2

Bomb #3

We even got to see a hippy in a wheel chair get kicked out! We pretended to take pictures of each other in order to capture all of this on film. We did this for you, our 3 faithful readers. I know, I know – such sacrifice.

The hippy just backed into yet another table with his wheelchair.

The manager is in the purple shirt, he is explaining to the walking hippy that is friend has got to go.

Anyway, we were just so damn happy when UNC won…. We flashed our ‘highbeams!’

***”going shopping” is a euphemism for oral sex or going down

On File

2005-03-31T16:57:00.000-05:00

I passed my loan officer exam today. I studied for this expensive ass test the way I studied for all my tests in college- I crammed for 3 hours last night and for an hour this morning. You would think 5 years out of college I would be a little more adult- especially when it came to a professional exam.

I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised at myself- after all I sometimes still show up to work wearing the same clothes from the day before.

Now I have to go downtown to be fingerprinted. I will be ON FILE. What about all my big plans to commit crimes all over North Carolina and get away with it?

Just like all my other hopes and dreams (like being thin, gorgeous, and famous) DASHED.

Anyway, I am going out tonight to celebrate passing my exam. At least no one will notice when I am wearing the same outfit tomorrow.

It's got to serve a purpose.

2005-03-30T16:34:00.000-05:00

So have you ever seen something and thought "It's got to serve a purpose" ?

Single Wide and I were out to dinner a couple of weeks ago, and a lady at the table across from us had a full on mustache. It's one thing to have a "stray eyebrow" on your chin, but a FULL MUSTACHE. You have to think; Does this woman have friends? Does this woman have family? Does this woman own a mirror? Granted she was wearing a NASCAR jacket, but that does not justify her having a mustache. It would justify her having a pack of Marlboro Reds in her pocket, the scent of Budweiser on her breath, a brother named Bubba, but NOT a mustache.

So it got us thinking, does this mustache serve a purpose?

Perhaps she was jealous of her husband's goatee serving as a flavor saver, so she wanted one of her own.

Perhaps she gets chapped lips, and this serves as a sun shield during the summer.

Perhaps she has allergies and this catches dust & cat hair just before it enters the tender tissue in her nose.

Perhaps her husband likes the way it tickles when they kiss? (GAG)

I wish I knew where this lady lived, I would sneak a bottle of Nair and a magnifying mirror in her mailbox.

That’s Pee, Not Perrier!

2005-03-28T15:12:00.000-05:00

I went camping this weekend in the middle of Nowhere, NC. There were about 12 or so of us in the woods on Black River, drinking beer and singing karaoke. It was in the wee (ha ha I said wee) hours of the morning when someone dared me to pee in Hedge’s mug. Hedge even went so far as to say I wouldn’t do it. Now you can’t call me out in front of 12 people when I am drunk. That’s just wrong.

I went over by Diddy’s car and hovered over the wooden mug. I wasn’t proud of the fact I could not fill his mug. I was only able to produce an inch or so of liquid. Maybe I had just drained myself in Don’s Rent-a-Port-a-Potty?? It’s kind of a blur.

I gave Hedge his mug back. He sniffs the mug then cocks his head back as he takes a swig. YUCK. I have never had anyone drink my urine before. I mean, not that knew they were drinking it anyway.

I think Hedge might have found his calling though. He should join a traveling carnival and ‘ read urine.’ After he swished it around in his mouth he was able to tell me about my looming yeast infection… I started my 3-day treatment this morning. Thanks Hedge.

Red White & Blue Eggs

2005-03-24T15:06:00.000-05:00

My Mema (grandmother) had a house in northern Durham County when I was growing up. We used to hide Easter eggs in her yard every year before a huge family dinner. And not those plastic eggs people use now- but real eggs. My Mema would spend a whole day coloring those eggs. Her hands would still be green and yellow on Sunday. Those are some of my fondest childhood memories.

One year we didn’t find all of the eggs… that day anyway. It was July 4th that we discovered a couple of eggs under a bush in my Mema’s yard, still intact. My brother and I threw them at my cousin. That is one of my fondest childhood memories.

I hope you find all your Easter eggs on Sunday!

Wet Back

2005-03-22T16:35:00.000-05:00

I hated beer before college; no one could get me to touch the stuff. Enter Right Stage: Penny Draft. Ahhhhhhhhh. There was a bright white light coming from the bar, Angels were singing, panties were becoming moist – my love of barley and hops was born.

There was a bar in Greenville called The Cellar. Diddy and I would go there every Thursday evening to enjoy our cheap brew. One week we ran into a couple of ‘friends’ from her hometown: Blazer and his nephew, D. Blazer was the red neck extraordinaire. To this day we describe him by doing an imitation: “My name is Blazer, scratch my nuts.” He told us, with a straight face, all about his love for walks on the beach and candle lit dinners. Gag. All I remember about D was his hair. “Great hair no fuss.”

It was pitcher night. At the end of our evening Diddy decided to chug the remainder of our pitcher… no doubt to put out of her mind the thought of looking into Blazer’s eyes over 2 candles and a bologna sandwich. The four of us start out the door.

Single Wide: “Someone just spilled beer on me!”

Diddy: “Just keep walking.”

Single Wide: “No, wait. Someone spilled beer on my back!”

Diddy: “No, I just puked on your back.”

Single Wide: “What the fuck. Give me your clothes. My clothes. Whatever.”

Diddy: “OK.”

My one bright spot, at least she puked on her own shirt.

We walked to the end of the block and exchanged shirts.

Then pants, so we would match.

Then, of course, our shoes. We looked each other over.

There was no way we were going to go eat at 2am without matching.

Miss Know It All

2005-03-20T22:22:00.000-05:00

Everybody should have somebody in their life that knows it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Someone who’ll warn you that you are getting ready to make a mistake, but then buys you a beer and tells you it’s going to be okay after it happens. Someone who knows what you are going to do before you do it, or even who. Diddy is my know it all.

We met in Aycock dorm at East Carolina University in 1995. I was a 22 year old divorced freshman living in the first year experience dorm. I was older than our RA. Diddy was an 18 year old freshman and Homecoming Queen. We shared a love for Zima and clothes. Game On.

In ten years we have never had an argument. I mean, when she tells me I am a dumb ass- I don’t argue. I know she’s right. I may continue my dumb ass behavior, but I never ever argue.

Diddy: "You’re being a dumb ass."

Single Wide: "Yeah."

And we always have a good time no matter where we are. OK, there was that one infamous Sucky Sunday (I am sure one of us will blog it soon)- but it wasn’t our fault.

The only thing we haven’t shared (besides underwear) is men. There are just too many to be sharing them. Send us your picture though, we may change our minds. Maybe you could be the first participant in the C & C Sandwich Factory.

NOW - 2005

2005-03-18T14:52:00.000-05:00

Now
We live in G-Vegas (Garner)
List of our Favorites NOW:
Color: Pink
Freaks: Midgets
Shitty Bar: Sidelines, McKinleys (The List could go On & On & On)
Drink: Whatever is on special (and Yager Bombs of course)
Group to hang with: Hashers
Cheap Entertainment: Karaoke (some things never change)
Hangover Food: Mexican (not always the BEST idea)
Decorating Item: We're now wishing we hadn't gotten rid of those stolen beer signs.

THEN - 1995

2005-03-18T14:51:00.000-05:00

Then
We lived in G-Vegas (Greenville)
List of our Favorites:
Color: Purple & Gold
Freaks: Male Strippers
Shitty Bar: Texas Two Step
Drink: Zima
Group to hang with: The Fabulous Four
Cheap Entertainment: Karaoke
Hangover Food: Miami Subs (it does help if you're ordering from the floor)
Decorating Item: Christmas lights & stolen beer signs.